Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Introduction to Mommyhood

My introduction to mommyhood was not picture perfect or "hallmarkesqe." It was scary, exhausting and full of tears. I am sure that it is like that for many first time mommies, but I personally didn't hear those stories in the 40 weeks leading to my daughter's birth. In a round about way, you know that it is going to be hard, an adjustment of sorts, but really that's an understatement!

The night before I went to the hospital to be induced, I could not sleep. I woke up at 1:30 am wide awake. I decided to watch some TV in the living and see if I could catch some last minute ZZZs before 4:30 am (when the alarm was supposed to go off initially to be at the hospital by 6 am). Alas, "Cake Boss" did not put me to sleep and thus began my bout with sleeplessness because let's face it hospital rooms and beds are SO UNCOMFORTABLE you do get much sleep. Plus, I was recovering from a c-section so I was oober-sore (not to mention the late night feedings.)

I was very blessed upon returning home to have my husband to be at home with me for Avery's first two weeks and a devoted mother in law who I don't know what we would have done without her. Sleep continued to still be elusive at home. I tried the whole "sleep when the baby sleeps" things and it wasn't working. I couldn't nap because of the stress and hyper attentiveness to the baby. So more tears there. I my mind, I thought that post partum depression was knocking at my door for real. Looking back on those first few weeks, I definitely think it would have gone a lot better if there was a little more sleep, but it was my first child and I didn't know what I was doing per se. I would say I did not get decent sleep for a few weeks. Avery had her days and nights mixed up for a while, but we got that switched back normal---lots of light and noised during the day, dark and quite at night. The introduction to mommyhood has a learning curve full of hormones!

It wasn't just the lack of sleep that was an adjustment. It was the what I like to refer to as "the death of what my marriage used to be." When a baby comes into your world, it's no longer about you and your spouse, it's about the baby and what the baby needs when the baby needs it. Period--no ifs ands or buts about it. Our whole home life had to readjust. There were thoughts and spats of "what were we thinking?" and "I never want to do this again!" It really sheds a light on how selfish we are sometimes when we are called to be unselfish. But we adjusted and got through it---together.

Now six  months and many diapers later we're still here. One little happy family. I could write so much more here, but I will save those "adventures in mommyhood" stories for later posts. In closing, I am thankful to the "village" of people who loved and supported me during this introduction period. I am grateful and I will pass it on whenever I get the chance.

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